Insecurities & Success - Moving Forward

My goals and personal success are two subjects I'm obsessed about, but, I completely suck at talking about both.  Why? I get REALLY insecure.  I start thinking everyone else is perfect and rich, I've hardly done anything, and at I'm practically almost 40!  I've had all these goals and dreams forever, but I wasted my 20s, made mistakes in my 30s and now it's too late!  Ekkkkk ....... AVOID!

Adam and I have been having a lot of conversations on our goals and dream recently.  These conversations make us both vulnerable; we react, get angry or freezing from being in the 'uncomfortable zone'.  It takes a lot of practice and a lot of tries just to get to the meat of these topics.  I wonder if it's really this hard for everyone?  Are we just immature?  That, and when did I decide that I couldn't talk about myself until I was perfect? Who even taught me the world 'perfect'?  The word itself should be banned.

What Success Looks Like vs What People think it looks like.jpg

What Success Looks Like vs What People think it looks like.jpg

Note: Per Google, this graph is from Matt Gubba's Twitter. (Thanks Matt.)

I've desired to succeed and have taken significant steps to do so SO many different times in my life.  I've started my own blogs and business before and saved like a champ.   But, then I hit this obstacles and I let my set backs completely derail me.  It's like spilling coffee in my car and instead of cleaning it up, I decide it's hopeless!  So, I set my car on fire and run the other way!  Ha ha!  :) Totally normal. Right?

Let's just say I got really good at a few things; such as:

  • Pretending I didn't have problems.

  • Posting motivational quotes on my Pinterest & Instagram that obviously meant I was enlightened, motivated and wise.

  • And because posting motivational quotes means you've already done those things, I didn't have to do anything. (Perfect!)

  • Drinking. Instead of drinking, let's say "Partying"; because it sounds much more glamorous!

  • Running. (Metaphorically.)

  • Running. (Non metaphorically.) I ran marathons, 50k trail runs, and eventually a 50 miler! If that's not proof I was mental; you probably run too much. :)

  • Being a hot mess.

  • Being in denial that I was a hot mess. (I wish universities would give out honorary degrees in being a hot mess; 'cause I'd have my PhD. I'm waiting Harvard!)

How to Handle Set Backs.png

How to Handle Set Backs.png

So, what's my point here?  Good question.

I guess this post is two fold.

1 - I want to stop pretending I live in a perfect, effortless world.  Sh** is hard. Work is hard. Starting your own business is hard. Being in relationships are hard. Being vulnerable on the internet on a secret blog you haven't told anyone about is hard!  Every darn thing you do will be hard and take lots and lots of work.  It's all going to be messy and imperfect but beautiful.

2 - A personal declaration that all though I know I'm not done being a scared-y cat, I'm not going to let it stand in my way any more. Or, rather, I'm going to keep trying and trying and failing and trying again until I learn how to succeed.  It doesn't matter that that I've had set backs and I'm starting again, all that does matter is that I start again every time I have a set back.

Graph Picture of the Perfect Healthy Relationship.png

Graph Picture of the Perfect Healthy Relationship.png

My relationship is going to be imperfect, full of fights and tears, but it's also going to be full of love and crazy good happiness.  I'm crazy scared that I've finally met my prince! You'd think I was winning $10,000 every time I found a fault the way I like to point out our problems!  (Ugh, Fear is not my friend.)  It doesn't matter that I get angry and frustrated sometimes; what matters is that we continue to grow and have more good days than bad.  Right? (Easy, peasy.)

esbi-big.png

esbi-big.png

And, while I'm baring my heart and soul here, I re-read Robert Kiyosaki's Cash Flow Quadrant last month and stumbled upon Hal Elrod's Miracle Morning recently.  (If you're not familiar with these books, read them. They're both life changing.)  They both reminded me that I want bigger goals in my life including the desire to be financially free.  I've been educating myself on strategies to build a passive income and  I'm going to start sharing them on this blog as well.  That's right folks. I'm going to include my goals, money saving tips and I may even include blog income statements as I journey to grow my blog.

Scary but exciting stuff.  :)

I stumbled upon this quote yesterday, a favorite of the founder of Farmgirl Flowers, which I ordered for my mom for Mother's Day.  (An amazing company & such beautiful flowers!)  <3

THE MAN IN THE ARENA Excerpt from the speech "Citizenship In A Republic" delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23 April, 1910

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. 

Here's to moving forward. <3